I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
