is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
