yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
