you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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