I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
