Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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