I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
