Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
