your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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