my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
