Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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