omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
