the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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