Will you blow on my dice?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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