I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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