So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
