There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
