Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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