I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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