I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's blow job season.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
