I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
