last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
