kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
