I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
