this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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