i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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