i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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