i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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