The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
