So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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