Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
