I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
