Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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