Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
