wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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