my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
