You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
