guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
