Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
