Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We had to coat check the pizza.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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