Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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