I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
