Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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