Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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