thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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