trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
