sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
