my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
