So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
