It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
