Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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