If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
