Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
