i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
